Oh My God I Am the Worst Ever/Too Dumb For Grad School/Overreacting!!!!!!!!!!!
Day 12 of 21 and I am working on my third of four questions. Despite taking more than my scheduled four days for my last essay, I’m still on track with plenty of time left for editing at the end. I am doing *just fine*. Sure. Uhhuh. I’ve had some hiccups – one day that I lost entirely when I tried to push through with what I thought was a mediocre essay until I was able to let go of my “just get it done” mentality enough to recover the creativity necessary to produce new words.
But thusfar, the big struggle has been dealing with self-doubt. Robin’s advice to remember my committee is rooting for me is something I try to keep reminding myself of, as well as my mom’s advice to meditate and run, but I’m still making myself sick. Stargate Atlantis reminded me that rites of passage are about accepting that you can do things that you didn’t think you could do, and I recognize that this – as much as the writing of the essays – is a central task for me in comps.
Clearly, however, I’m not there yet.